Since tonight is suppose to be like a hurricane, might as drink one - grab a large ass glass and add .25 oz of the following: light rum, gin, vodka, tequila, and blue curacaco liqueur. Then add a little cherry brandy, 3 oz sweet and sour mix, and 3 oz orange juice. Add ice. Stir. Serve. Drink. On with the recap.
Previously on BB – if you have read any of my recent blogs, then you know I don’t do previous. Moving on.
Picking up after the noms, Jillian in the DR said that there was no way she was going to nominate Emmett. Talla in the DR said that she feels safe as she has a final 3 deal with Emmett. Gary in the DR said that he feels safe as he has a final 3 deal with Emmett. Back to the Jillian DR – she wants to take Talla to the final 3 and Emmett wants to take Gary. Later in the hot tub, Emmett lets it slip that he has a final 3 deal with Talla. Rut Ro. Jillian calls him out on it and claims that he never told her that. He claims that he did. She is not buying it and starts to realize that Emmett is in it to win for him self. Ummm…DUH!!! In case no one explained the rules to you Jillian, there is only one winner.
Final four POV!!! But, before we get to it, we have to hear how important this POV is…FROM EVERYONE!!! ENOUGH. Moving on. On a chalk board, there are three equations in the form of events from the season (Day Alec won POV plus number of POVs Tom won = Answer, which is 26) Once they solve the equations, the HGs run into the yard and find a money bags that has the number answer on it. Solve all three equations, find all three money bags, open the money bags, use the numbers in the money bags to open a safe, first one to open the safe, wins POV. Simple, right? Nope. This POV involves high-end math. Of course, Talla sucks at math, so there in no point in even recapping what she did. As for Emmett and Jillian, these brain trust brilliant people got stuck on the second equation where they were not able to tell the difference between a plus sign and a minus sign. If Gary or Talla had brain one, they could have easily won this POV. But nooooooooo. Emmett finally figures out what he is doing wrong, screams it out, “IT’S A MINUS SIGN” which Jillian hears and realizes her mistake. Emmett, who is able to do high-end math (60 -11 = 39), figures out the answer and moves on. Jillian, who is a schoolteacher and apparently not able to do high-end math, gets the wrong answer - 38. Fast forward, Emmett wins POV…on another comp that he probably should be DQed for yelling out what to do on the second equation.
After the POV, Gary, who thinks he is safe, pulls a fake cry in front of Talla in an attempt to gain sympathy from Talla to secure a jury vote. Gary leaves and finds Emmett to obtain reassurance that he is going to the final three. Emmett, from the DR, says that he believes that it would be better for his game to take Gary to the final three. You mean you can’t take Talla because you let that cat out of the bag way to early to Jillian. Dumbass. Meanwhile, Talla and Jillian are in the kitchen where Talla is talking about the going to the final three. Jillian, from the DR, says that she did not want to reassure Talla as she knows that Emmett wants to take Gary to the final three. Interesting…I guess we missed a conversation between Emmett and Jillian.
About an hour before the POV ceremony, Emmett, thinking it would be a good game move, tells Talla that he is keeping Gary. Of course, Talla is pissed. And then…the light bulb click on for Jillian. From the DR, she claims that Emmett would not allow her to talk to Andrew to let him know that he was leaving, but he is allowed to talk to Talla before the POV ceremony? Jillian sums it up pretty well from the DR: Jerk move. Welcome to the game Jillian. Not to miss an opportunity to secure a vote, Jillian talks to Talla. After Jillian leaves, Gary cries with Talla. Not to be outdone and knowing that Talla is a huge Dan fan, Emmett gives Talla a bracelet that Dan gave him. What a douche bag. Playing to win, no doubt, but douche bag none the less.
Side note: BB Canada, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE change the rules next year to where the HGs are not allowed to discuss and/or tell who they are going to nominate and/or evict. It really sucks that we know ON THE SHOW what is going to happen before it happens ON THE SHOW. Or, maybe we need better editing. Either way, thank you.
POV ceremony. Speech from Emmett. Who cares. He does not use the POV. We are all shocked – not - as he already told everyone that he is not going to use it. Straight into the eviction. Talla speech, crying: Gary, blah blah, blah; Jillian, blah, blah, blah; Emmett, I already know what you are going to do and I will never forget it. Gary speech: who cares. Emmett, after giving another speech, votes to evict Talla. Again, we are all shocked – not – as he already told everyone that he was voting out Talla. Then we get more crying from Talla and Gary.
Of course, we get the horrible interview of Talla from Arisa. Talla implies that she “played stupid” and Arisa says that Talla is a diabolical genius. Ummm…no. There is no way that she “played” that stupid without being that stupid. Just. Not. Possible.
Tune in tomorrow for the two hour season final. Why? You lasted this long through this shit, might as well stick around for one more night. And since you are sticking around, who do you think will win? Who do you think should win? Sound off in the comments below to let us know. Until tomorrow, keep drinking.
Tonight’s drink is a bit of an odd one, but still really good. Like I would drink anything that wasn’t good. It’s called Blueberry Tea. Grab a brandy snifter and add 1 oz Amaretto Almond Liqueur and 1 oz Grand Marnier Orange Liqueur. Mix. Add Orange Pekoe Tea to taste. Yum. Yum. Enjoy. On with the recap.
Quick programming note: If you did not read Ann’s comments to my last recap on BN, you really need to go read it. Best comments on this BB season EVER!!! Back to our regularly scheduled program.
Previously on BB: Okay, by now, you know how much I hate this “previously” crap, especially if it involves a jackass. Fast forward button please.
Dear BB Gods: I beg of you. I plead with you. Please. Please, do not let this be a “memories” episode. Please. Thank you.
Picking up where we left off, the continuance of the HOH comp. First, we get the typical DRs of, “I have to win this HOH.” Yes, it would be nice to HOH, but the true power, the power that everyone should want this week, is with the POV. Fast forward, Jillian wins HOH. Yee-Freaking-Haw. We are all sooooo excited. Her fourth HOH. Oh. My. God. Okay, not really.
But, I will give credit where credit is due. Jillian and Talla are talking about the HOH and Jillian says that the real power is with this week’s POV. Okay, I will admit it, I am actually amazed that Jillian figured this out. On the other hand, Talla plays stupid, or claims in her DR that she is playing stupid, and acts like she did not realize that the winner of the POV controls the game. In the DR, she claims she fully understands how the final four works. Hmmm…have we been falling for this stupid shit all season? And at the very end, she breaks out her brain and wins Big Brother? I don’t think so either, but they would truly be the best twist of the season if it did happen. Team Talla.
Next we get Emmett talking about how great he is in this game and that they should have evicted him a long time ago. Skip.
Nope. Not doing it. Who want to see my HOH room? I hate it. I hate it. I hate. Not. Doing. It. Moving on.
DRs from Jillian. Jillian claims that if her and Emmett make it to the final two, they will be the first showmance to do so. Emmett deserves to be in the final two. The other two don’t even deserve $20,000. I think I need to throw up.
Gary wants to win because no one else like him has really been on TV – a six-foot tall black gay man. Ummm…RuPaul anyone? Talla wants to win for him mom. How sweet. I must have fallen asleep during this segment as I missed Emmett’s reason. My guess is he wants to win for his cows. Moo y’all. Eh?
OH. HELL. NO. *sigh* It’s the Big Brother Award Show hosted by Gary’s twin, Zoe from the DR. Okay, I really need to throw up now. Fine. Whatever. All that begging and pleading for nothing. Fine. Here we go: The Award Goes To:
Best intro into the house – Talla going backward down the stairs or Gary making a comment about Daniel’s boobs – Winner: Talla
Best Costume – Andrew in French Maid outfit or Jillian in her Night of the Dead outfit – Winner: Andrew (Huh? Is the rest of Canada as drunk as I am? Must be)
Best Freak out – Suzette on Aneal or Talla during the glass house comp – Winner: Talla
Best Alter Ego – Gary as Zoe or Alec as Ricardo – Winner: Gary as Zoe
Best Kiss - Jillian and Emmett under the waterfall or Andrew and AJ during spin the bottle – Winner: Andrew and AJ
Best Dramatic Cry – Aneal knowing he is getting voted out or Gary going on slop – Winner: Winner: Gary
Oh thank God. We are done with that shit.
After the award ceremony, BB plays a highlight video of the season. Come on BB, when is this shit going to end? Please. After the video, the HGs are talking about the season and Emmett cuts Talla off. Talla gets upset, which carries over after dinner. Emmett finally figures out that she is upset. Emmett, realizing that it would be a good game move, finds Talla and apologizes. Everything is good with the world once again…and as well with Emmett’s game play.
If it wasn’t enough for Emmett and his “game move” and the fact that they have been drinking all night, after dinner, Jillian makes a final two deal with Talla. In the DR, Jillian laughs at Talla for even thinking that she would even consider taking Talla over Emmett to the final two. Forget jury management Jillian, (which you will find out about soon enough) you do realize, Jillian, that when the HGs get out the house, Jillian, they are going to watch this? Maybe you do realize this and you are even more cold hearted than I thought. Nope, I am chalking it up to you being stupid. And by the way, winning HOHs does not mean that you should win BB.
Nomination ceremony. It really does not matter who goes on the block. Whoever wins POV control the final three. Still yet, we get standard DRs about how they don’t want to go on the block. Whatever. In a total shock move – not – Jillian nominates Talla and Gary. Her reasons – who cares.
After nominations, we get more standard DRs – “Watch out Canada, I’m gonna win the POV.” Again, whatever. If that was not enough, we get Jillian telling us that she wants to win he POV for her man. Where’s a barf bag when you need it?
Okay folks, that was the last Sunday episode for the first Season of BB Canada. Tune in Wednesday for what I hope will be an action packed episode of the POV, eviction ceremony, and the first and second round of the final HOH. I am probably asking for too much, but oh well. Until then, keep drinking. I know I will be.
Welcome to big drama night. Supposedly, all will be revealed tonight as to why the feeds were down ALL weekend and why Emmett is no longer HOH. Well, the official version anyway. I still have my conspiracy theory. Before we get to Big Brother’s version, we have that other issue to discuss. Yes, my drink of choice for the evening. Tonight’s adult beverage is dedicated to the new HOH: it is called Glitter and Trash – much like his HOH room. For this drink, grab a highball glass, fill it with ice, add 1.5 oz gin, add a splash of vodka, and top it off with Sprite. Be careful, you will start out feeling all beautiful, but this drink will put you in the gutter very quickly. You have been warned. Okay, on with the recap.
Picking up from Thursday night, Emmett is the new HOH and Tom is way too happy about it. We get the usual plethora of DRs, but the highlight was Liza: she thinks that the only person liked even less in the house than Suzette is AJ (sorry honey, but nope, that would be you and Tom) and she thinks that Emmett is controlling the game and she can’t control Emmett (honey, time to wake up, the wheels are falling off and you are not actually controlling anyone)
To add further to Liza’s demise, Emmett tells Tom that Liza was planning to take him (Emmett) out. Tom acts mad, but seeing how he is shacking up Liza, who really knows. But, let’ play along. Upon hearing this, Tom is mad. Tom claims that he is playing a clean game. He has never lied to Liza. Come on Tom, really? Isn’t there that Quarto alliance thing that you never told her about? And there was also that one time at McDonald’s, where you smeared the McLobster paste all over your…umm…how about we save that for another blog, okay? Thanks. Point being Tom, yes, you have lied to her. Stop playing the victim. You are not good at it.
Oh hell, it’s the HOH room crap thing. I hate this segment. Fine. Whatever. Let me take a drink before we get to it. Okay. I feel better. Moving on. Emmett’s HOH room run down: Chocolate milk from home. Moo cow. Photos from home. More cows. Letter from home. Boo freaking hoo. Highlight from letter: Bros and cows sending you lots of moo’s; stay away from the showmance; and remember that there are cameras everywhere. Synopsis of the letter: the cows miss you and stop having sex on TV. Emmett’s response: kicks everyone but Jillian out of the HOH room and starts making out with Jillian. Moo.
Filler time. There is a knock at the door. A Leprechaun appears along with several other St. Paddy Day cladded individuals. It’s a St. Patrick’s Day parade!!! Erin Go Bragh Y’all. After the parade, Topaz loses her brain and tells everyone that everything they saw will probably be questions that they will be asked in the next comp. Ya think? Idiot.
Finally. Here we go. Time for the big time drama that BB promised us. BB calls everyone into the living room and announces that after reviewing the HOH comp video, there were four HGs that broke the rules of the game by carrying balls in their hands. (Hehehe…balls…hands…yes, I am about 3 years old mentally) The four rule violators were Talla, Jillian, Alec, and Emmett. BB decided to throw out the HOH comp and have the HaveNot comp as the new HOH comp. Emmett is no longer HOH. And to make things worse, the four rule violators are the HaveNots for the week and they cannot compete for the HOH. Geez Big Brother, that’s a little harsh. I don’t have a problem playing the HOH over and also making them the HNs for the week, but to not let them play…come on BB. That is a bit much.
To help us understand what just happen, we have Peter in DR. From what I could understand, Peter basically said: SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM.
The HN comp that turned into the HOH comp was called “Forget That” or “Remember That” or was it “To Hell With That”? Whatever BB decided to call it, it was a St. Patrick’s Theme “true and false” question comp about the St. Patrick’s Day parade that Topaz ruined for herself earlier. Best part of this comp was that Tom had to dress up as a Leprechaun. Too funny. Fast Forward…Gary wins. Gary is the new HOH. Not saying that Gary was loud about it, but let’s just say that everyone three Provinces over knew about his victory. Glitter for everyone.
Are you kidding me? Two HOH room reveals in one episode? Kill me now. Another letter. More Boo Hoos. More Boas. A glitter covered stuffed animal. Moving on.
What happened next was a shock to us all: Gary grew a brain. Who knew that he actually had one? What Gary did was probably the smartest move that I have seen in the house yet: he talked to EVERYONE. Separately. One on one. He asked one simple question: what’s going on in the house? And everyone told him. He was able to gain enough information to figure out who the two least liked people are in the house so that he could put them up with the least amount of repercussion upon him. Brilliant. I am still not a fan, but you are growing on me. Oy vey. I need a drink.
Next up is where we get to see everyone panicking about not wanting to be put on the block.
Tom in the DR - he does not think that Gary will put him up. Tom and Liza in the hammock – he won’t put us up – I saved him last week. Tom to Emmett – he won’t put us up. Tom to Alec and Peter: I saved him last week, he won’t put me up. Tom to the brick wall – he won’t put me up. (Umm…you put him up last week, Tom. He would not have had to be saved if you had not put him up. Do you really think he is not going to come after you? Dumbass) Also, Big Brother, can you make it a little less obvious as to who is going on the block? You are looking mighty good for a repeat of the Jackass award.
Time for the Nomination Ceremony. As Gary was standing alone staring at the photo wall, Gary says that all of the little people in the house are getting bullied. What? I do believe that Tom took you off the block. Granted, he put you on the block, but he also took you off. How is that bulling you? Whatever. As expected, if you have been watching the feeds, Gary nominates Liza and Tom. His reasons (you will love this): Tom – my target is Liza because she is social. I will win POV and take you off the block (irony anyone?). Liza - you are a strong social player. Umm…what exactly are you, Gary? With all of this glitter throwing and finger nail painting parties, are you not the social Queen? Yeah, she is a social dominating force. Of course, this is followed by the usually DR threats: Liza – I didn’t trust Gary. He is going down. Tom – I will kill all you bitches.
Well, that is all for tonight. Big Brother promises lots of drama and action this Thursday with the “Live Double Eviction” that is not so “live”. Can’t wait.
So, what do you think of tonight’s revocation of Emmett’s HOH? Justified or not? Do you like the power shift with Gary as the new HOH? Sound off in the comments below and let us know what you think.
It appears that #BallGate is in full effect as the Big Brother Live Feeds are not so live. Just like the “Live Eviction” that is not. Except in this case, the live feeds have been down most of the day and according to Big Brother Canada’s FaceBook page, the feeds will not be back until tomorrow. Maybe. Before we get into the who, what and why, it is time for a drink. Tonight’s beverage of choice is a Tokyo Tea: ½ oz each of the following: Vodka, Rum, Gin, Tequila, and Triple Sec plus with 1 oz of Midori Melon Liqueur. Combine in a shaker, shake, strain, pour and enjoy. I know I will.
Okay, back to Big Brother Canada. I am not saying that this is true, but from what I heard, #BallGate is all about Tom. Apparently, Tom had a “few too many” adult beverages and was being a little loud. The other HGs told him that he had to sleep on the couch. Of course, this did not sit well with Tom. He grabbed a bag of Cheetos to help cool his jets and hit the couch. The next morning, Jillian, Liza and Emmett found Tom passed out on the couch, the bag of Cheetos empty, Tom’s pants undone, and well…a certain “area” was orange. They woke up the rest of the house so that they all could have a good laugh at Tom. As you can imagine, Tom and his infamous douche bag temper flared. He punched Emmett, who fell to the floor like a little girl. He looked at Gary who went running off throwing blue warrior glitter in the air. He kicked AJ in the balls, who doubled over and stated mumbling, “AJ’s family jewels, not cool to kick AJ’s family jewels.” Talla heard “family jewels” and went into lap dance mode. Topaz and Alec were nowhere to be found. Hmmm… Peter started postulating. Andrew started screaming. Suzette was yelling something about being a mom. The room became thick with blue glitter dust. Orange particles were flying off Tom. Everyone started scream or crying. Alec and Topaz could be heard. Tom completely lost it and in a full out sprint, ran right into a wall. Knocked his ass completely out. And then, the feeds went dark. Our last image was of Tom, knocked out on the floor with an orange…you know what. Chaos does not even come close.
Okay, not really. Rumor has it that Big Brother is checking the playback from the HOH comp to see who cheated. If they find that Emmett and other guests cheated, then they will probably have a new HOH comp. Yes, I know. Boring. But at least we have some Tokyo Tea. Until the feeds come back, enjoy.
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE
Appears that #BallGate is real. Emmett is no longer HOH. Gary is the new HOH. More details later.
Honey Boo Boo Child Disclaimer: In an attempt to help people understand something that they have not experience, I try to relate it to something that they have experienced. For example: if you have never had fried frog legs, I will tell you that they taste like fried chicken legs. See how that works? Okay, for Honey Boo Boo, finding that experience was a little bit more difficult. After several shots of Johnny Red and many hours of thinking about it in the “library”, it finally came to me. I figured out how to relate this show to you. Warning: this is not for the faint of heart and those with a weak constitution. If you have a faint heart or a weak constitution, stop now. Do not read any further. You have been warned. What is this show like? You remember that one time (for some of you, a hell of a lot more than just one time) when you were not able to take a shit? Two days later and you still have not been able to take a shit? After you have had enough, you break out that home remedy of rhubarb pie and overcooked corn on the cob to help loosen up your intestines, which in turn causes you to take off running to the bathroom? You make it to the restroom and you quickly discover that the fact that you have not taken a shit in the last two days is about to bite you in the ass. This is where the “feeling” starts. As you are sitting on the toilet, trying to push the shit out, you realize that the shit you are about to shit is a monster-sized shit. Do you remember that feeling? To get it out, you have to grunt loudly and really push hard. As it starts to come out, you realize that this is really going to hurt. Not wanting to keep this monster thing inside of you, you start pushing. Grunting. Grunting so loudly that the neighbors can hear you. The pain. It is intense. More pushing. More grunting. More pain. That feeling right there - do you remember that feeling? Well, that is what it is like to watch this show. On with the recap.
Alana – 6 years old – Honey Boo Boo Child – Pageant queen super star
Lauryn – 12 years old - Pumpkin – sister
Jessica – 15 years old – Chubbs or Chubbette – sister – Alana’s BFF
Anna – 17 years old – Chickadee – sister – she is pregnant
June – 32 years old – Mama
Mike – 40 years old - Sugar Bear – Works 7 days a week (not sure I can’t blame him)
In case there is any confusion, from Mama: “Sugar Bear is my babies daddy”
Apparently, TLC is in the business to make money. Who knew? There use to be full episodes that you could watch for free on TLC’s website. Those are gone. Where did they go? To iTunes. At $2.99 an episode. I have to pay to watch this shit now? Isn’t it bad enough that it kills off brain cells? Apparently not. Greedy bastards.
The intro consists of introducing the family, explaining that they have a very big and important pageant coming up at the end of the summer, and that this is still summer and they need to find time for some fun. Then, at the end of the intro, they all gather for what appears to be a family portrait…and then Mama farts. For all of those that forced me into this recap, may Mama fart on you.
This episode starts at 11:03 am with Mama waking up all of the girls. She says that since it is summer, sometimes they sleep until 2:00 pm. The phone rings and Mama yells that “somebody booty callin’.” After rousting all of the girls out of bed, we learn that they only have one bathroom. Four girls, one Mama, one Sugar Bear, and one bathroom. So, they do what I would imagine any normal family would do: wash their hair in the kitchen sink. Not even kidding. I am talking about a full on hair washing with shampoo. Right next to the dirty dishes. Holy shit. If you are ever invited over to their house, unless you see the food come directly out the can and on to your plate, don’t eat it. You have been warned.
As she is applying 5 pounds of makeup to Alana – yes, she is just 6 years old – Mama explains that to get ready for the big pageant at the end of the summer, this Sunday Alana will be participating in an all-natural beauty pageant. Hang on, what? A natural beauty pageant? Isn’t that one were you don’t wear makeup? Then why in the hell are you caking it on Alana? Whatever.
A little background. Alana has won a couple of pageants. She has placed second or third in several. But, she has never won a grand supreme title. What is a grand supreme title? Why in the hell are you asking me? I don’t have a freaking clue.
After putting on 37 pounds of makeup, Mama and Alana work on attitude. Apparently, at kid pageants, the more attitude you have, the better. They work on the three-finger “Z” formation finger snap until Alana gets it perfect. Can’t wait to see how this plays out at the all-natural pageant.
Oh hell no. No. No. No. <Sigh> They are going to the redneck games. What really makes this outing even better is Chickadee. She is the one that is very close to popping out a child. For some non-apparent reason, she has decided that it is appropriate to wear her shirt above belly. Basically, turning it into a halter-top. I have no words. None. On top of this, they actually make fun of some of the other “rednecks” and what they are wearing. As Mama says, all that vajiggle jaggle is not beautimous. Anyway, on with the redneck games. The first game is bobbing for pig feet. Nope. Not kidding. Not even close to kidding. And yes, they are real pig feet. Yes, this is disgusting. Yes, I have to stop here, as I need to go throw up. Nasty. Mama thinks that Pumpkin will do “pretty good” as she is competitive. As much as I want to, I am not going to keep you in suspense. Pumpkin does not win. In fact, she doesn’t do very well at all. In her “heat,” she got 2 pig feet. The winner got 5 and the runner up got 4. There were only three competing. Still yet, she did her family proud.
To take a break before the next game, the girls wanted to cool off in the river. Mama refused to allow them to get into the river due to an outbreak of a potential flesh-eating bacteria. Yeah, but washing your hair in the kitchen sink next to the dirty dishes is perfectly okay.
The next game is mud pit belly flop. Okay, now this is a game that I can see rednecks doing. Alana has decided that she wants to participate in this game with her sister Chubbs. Mud. Belly flop. Chubbs. Really? <shakes head> Anyway, after a couple of…ummm…belly heavy?…long bearded rednecks with female rednecks that should not be wearing bikinis belly flop into the mud pit, it is Alana’s and Chubbs’ (or as Mama calls her – Chubbette) turn. Before I get to them, I am curious: Why does every bit of clothing that rednecks wear have to be some form of the Confederate flag? And can’t they ever put their beer down. Okay, forget that last question. Chubbs and Alana do their family proud with their belly flops. In fact, Chubbs’ belly flop manages to splash mud onto Mama and Sugar Bear. The family cheers with the admiration that only a redneck mud belly flopping family could. Yahoo.
On to the next segment. As the girls and Mama are sitting around eating cheese balls, oatmeal cream pies, and pork rinds, Chubbete decides that she is getting too fat and wants to start a diet. But, she wants Mama to go on a diet as well. Mama says that she is pretty happy with herself, but for support, she will join in with Chubbete on the diet. Chubbette wants to lose about 20 to 30 pounds. How is she going to lose all of this weight? By following Mama’s advise, that’s how. What is Mama’s advice? I am glad you asked. Farting. No, I am not kidding. Not one little bit. Chubbette said that Mama said that you can lose weight by farting 12 to 15 times a day. Cubbette plans on farting a lot more than 12 to 15 times a day. The Farting Diet. I can’t wait for the book.
So, if you are starting a diet, what is the first thing that you do? That’s right. Let the weigh-ins begin. Before we get to the reading of the scales, Mama has to get ready. How does she do this? By taking a shit. Take a wild guess where the scale is? That’s right, the bathroom. After enough time had passed to air out the bathroom, Alana (the six year old) steps on the scale first. She weighs-in at 69 pounds. Chubbette is next and she weighs-in at 175 pounds. Now it is Mama’s turn. No, she did not break the scale. Although, the first time she tried, the scale bottomed out and returned a weight of “E”. Mama said that the “E” stands for Extra Big. Not one to be easily discouraged, Mama tries again. This time she gets a reading: 309 pounds. As with all diets, you have to set goals. Mama’s goal is to lose 100 pounds to get back to her beautimous weight.
Okay, now it is time for what we all have been waiting for: the natural beauty pageant. For Mama and Alana, this is just a practice pageant. They are looking for feedback from the judges to help them with the big pageant at the end of the summer. To help Alana get ready for the pageant, they stop at McDonalds and get her a large chocolate shake. To show their support, the entire family is at the pageant and they are wearing their hot pink “Honey Boo Boo Child” t-shirts. After what it seems like forever, it is finally Alana’s turn. As she “struts her stuff”, they are reading her bio to the crowd. In case you did not know, Alana enjoys pageantry, mud boggin, and her family. After all of the contestants had been properly paraded around the center stage, it is time to announce the winners. Like pulling off a band-aid, let’s just make this quick. Alana did not win. Tears were shed. But, it was not a total loss, they did get the feedback from the judges that they wanted. It appears that Alana needs to work on her modeling, eye contact, strutting, hand waiving, walk, turns, and smile. Not that much really.
With the pageant over, this brings us to the end of the show. Yes, I know, very sad. But, on a happy note, we learn that Sugar Bear can actually speak. I had to listen to it five times to figure out what in the hell he was saying, but it was nice to finally hear his voice. And just what did he say? Well, let me just give you the direct quote: Ifs weus is are ables Alana tewsa practicle, shesa liables tewsa besa nexted Missersa Americas.
Well, that brings us to the end of this week’s train wreck. As an added bonus, I have included some of the best quotes from this episode below. Will there be another recap? I don’t know. I am not sure my brain or liver can handle it. Until next time, if there is a next time, keep farting and keep drinking – something eventually is bound to make sense.
Y’all smell like hair spray and desperation.
Breakfast of Champions – Cheese balls
Alana: Yes, we are redneck. Pumpkin: No we’re not, we still have all of our teeth.
The redneck games are a lot like the Olympics but with a lot of missing teeth and a lot of butt cracks showing.
All that vajiggle jaggle is not beautimos. You don’t see my shit hanging out … not my three bellies.
Welcome to the BBAD on the LFs Saturday Night Edition, September 1st, 2012. Soooo many choices. What to drink. What to drink. With the damn feeds being on fish more than they are on the HGs, I have plenty of time to mix whatever the hell I want. So, let’s make it a good one. Hmmm…I have some peaches, some peach schnapps, a little bit of champagne, more vodka, some peach nectar, a touch of sweetener, and a couple of ice cubes. Mix. Stir. Serve. Since it contains real peaches, no need for dinner. Finally, a mixed drink that serves as a drink and dinner. Yum. Yum.
In case you missed it today, the OTEV POV comp was held this afternoon. This year’s was a little bit more difficult as it involved having to shuck corn to reveal the names of who they were looking for. Anyway, someone got a special birthday present – the POV. Yes, on his birthday, Dan won the POV. Happy Birthday Dan.
As we start BBAD, Frank and Jenn are in the kitchen playing with the large logos building….hell, I don’t know. Joe, Danielle, and Shane are dangling their feet in the hot tub. They are talking about how everything is going to get more competitive from here to the end. Then Shane says the most honest thing he has ever said: “I don’t know, I have never really seen this show.” They are working through the numbers to make sure that Frank gets voted out.
Dan has walked into the kitchen and Frank starts talking about what they need to do next week. I guess Frank missed Dan after the POV where he was all alone and held up the Veto to the camera and said: “This is the ticket to get Frank out.” Frank keep talking about next week and that they will be looking good going into the HOH. Dan’s response: “How are the blueberries?” Hello???? Frank, are you paying attention???? Oh yeah, I forgot. Just like clown face jackass Jessie, AG has a hard on for Frank and will orchestra something to save Frank. Thank you baby Jesus for AG.
Danielle has invaded Ian hammock as the discussion around the hot tube was not centered around her enough. First question out of her mouth: “Was Dan up there with you in the HOH throwing me under the bus?” Ian: No. Danielle: Well, what did he say about me? Do you know that he is trying to convince everyone to put me up if the veto is used? I just can’t handle self-centered boiler bunny tonight.
Switch to Frank and Jenn in the kitchen. Jenn asks if Frank is telling her the truth. Frank says oh yeah, the plan was never to take me off the block. The plan is to take you off the block.
Ian called to the DR. Uh oh. Who is Danielle going to get to talk to her about her now? Damn. Here comes Dan. Just wonderful. After some babble, Danielle starts another story about how her Godparents have a guardianship over her. What? Bitch please. How about we learn what a guardianship is before we start talking out our ass, shall we? Now she is talking about how someone is like her sister, but isn’t her sister, but they act like sisters. Okay, did y’all follow that? No worries, I didn’t either. Anyway, she has to go to cheerleading practice with her non-sister sister and everyone loved her so much that they had a uniform for her as well.
Alcohol delivery. And just in time. Dan says that he is drinking tonight for his birthday. Happy Birthday Dan. Mist. Mist. Fairy Dust. Fairy Dust.
Now Jenn has joined Boiler Bunny on the hammock. Jenn starts the conversation by asking if Dan will use the POV. Danielle thinks that Frank is on his way out. Danielle tells her that she thinks that she will be all right. Jenn says that she is not sure that she can trust Dan after the shit he pulled on Danielle. Jenn is concerned about her big move last week and if it will pay off. Suddenly the conversation switches to Joe and how he was starring at Danielle’s boobs last night. Wow, Danielle, I am impressed. You lasted almost five minutes before you turned the conversation to you. More babble babble and then agree that they will roll with each other. Oh thank God, Danielle is called to the DR. You know, I just now thought of this: I bet you what ever you want that Danielle absolutely loves – I mean really, really, really loves – the DR. Think about it. Everything is about her. What did YOU do today? How did YOU do in the POV comp today? What do YOU think will happen? For her, this is better than finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. There is probably not a better place in the world for her.
Jenn is now sitting at the hot tub with Joe. Not talking. Ian, Shane and Dan are on the couches in the backyard. They all are drinking. Dan has engaged Boogie’s philosophy as to Ian – ask him a question and set back for an hour. Tonight’s topic: Pokemon. I am not kidding. Ian is going into great detail about it. He would save up his allowance and buy packs and packs of Pokemon cards. Another first for BB: the first time EVER that how to play Pokemon has been explained, in extreme detail, in the BB house. People, I am just not nearly drunk enough to listen to this. I don’t think there is enough alcohol in the world to endure this. This is extremely difficult to say, but I would rather listen to Joe’s Pee Stained Cooking Show than this. Happy Birthday Dan.
Checking back in. Nope. Ian is still talking about Pokemon. He is up to when he was in 4th grade and he bought the original 150 Pokemon cards. Danielle tries to change the subject by asking about Beanie Babies. Shane says that he has about 20 Beanie Babies. There’s a shocker. Danielle says that she has hundreds. And then that conversation dies. Fail. Ian starts back in with Yugioh cards and that they are bush league compared to Pokemon.
Checking back in. Nope. Ian is still talking about Pokemon. My options are Ian talking about Pokemon or Jenn lying out next to the hot tub acting like she is sun bathing. I hate you people.
Danielle asked if they could talk about something else. Ian looks over at her and then continues talking about Pokemon. Ian is my new hero. Except for the damn Pokemon shit.
Joe finally says that he has had enough of Pokemon. Dan tells Ian that they can talk more about it later. So, what does the conversation change to? If the BB duffel bags of the previous seasons had their names stitched into the bag or if there was just a name tag.
Now they are munching – loudly – on chips as they talk about how they received their invites to BB and the video clips that BB made them do. Of course, BB does not want us to hear this and we keep getting fish. Assholes.
After about 15 minutes of the damn fish, the feeds finally come back. Jenn is in the shower changing clothes and everyone else in the backyard talking about the OTEV comp. Shane goes into the house to use the restroom and they start in on Danielle about her “relationship” with Shane. They are telling her that she has to make the move. Danielle says that Shane is afraid of the cameras. Shane comes out and Ian asks if he is going to make out with Danielle. Shane says that he does not kiss and tell. Conversation turns to sex and who has had their salad tossed. Nothing good is going to come of this conversation. Switching feeds.
Jenn is inside with a deck of cards. They are not regular playing cards; the cards have questions written on them. Ian comes in to check on her and she says that every thing is cool.
Back to outside. Ian is talking about what each HG is. Frank and Shane are the good-looking guys. Dan is a returning vet so he does not count. Ashley is the cute hippie. Ian is the nerd. Joe is the older married attractive gentleman. Conversation moves to giving Frank a bunch of shit about Janelle. They all are saying that Janelle didn’t like him because he was touchy-feely and that she is a married woman. That he would constantly flirt and hit on her. Frank bites hard and believes what they are telling him. Dan asks Ian about sitting in the bathroom and looking in the shower. Ian denies that he ever looked at anyone taking a shower. Dan keeps asking and Ian keeps denying. Frank keeps going off about Janelle and everyone keeps fueling the fire. Frank is getting really pissed. Frank is yelling that Janelle played a terrible game and is a terrible person.
With this much fun, I know it is hard to leave. But as with all good things, they must come to an end. As usual, I am too drunk to proof read this. If there are mistakes, to bad. Deal with it.
Welcome to BBAD on the LFs Saturday night edition for August 26, 2012. Tonight I am just chillin with my favorite wine, A to Z. Like last night, I do not expect very much to happen. As we start BBAD, Dan is in the HN room in isolation. I will explain in a minute. Danielle and Brit are chained together by their ankles and are in the kitchen fixing something. Again, I will explain in a minute. No, not what they are fixing, but why they are chained together. Frank is wearing a carrot suit. Again…okay, you get it. Yes, I get the irony. Ian, Joe and Shane are…I don’t know, somewhere. Okay, okay, found Shane and Ian – they are in the bathroom area with Brit and Danielle. Why are they in the bathroom area, I don’t have a clue. I will send them a text and ask. Don’t expect a response anytime soon. Oh, BTW, they on an indoor lockdown.
In case you missed it, the POV was held today. It was the “How Bad Do You Want It” comp. Let’s start with the POV winner: Jenn. As far as I can decipher, she had to set something on fire and burned her clothes and she is on slop for the rest of the time she is in the house. Frank has to wear a carrot suit, take a paint bath, take a chum bath once an hour every hour, and he can’t play in the next two HOH comps. He would have won but, he was sounding out a word – out loud where everyone could hear him – during a word quiz part of the comp and was disqualified from the POV comp. He still has to incur the “punishments.” Dan had to eat something gross and is in isolation for the next 24 hours in the HN room where Disco music and lights play randomly. Brit and Danielle are chained together at their ankles with an actual metal chain. I point out the fact that it is a metal chain due to the fact that it is the most annoying thing on the feeds right now. I pray that BB makes them sit in one place for the next 24 hours. The noise from the chain scrapping the floor is unbearable. Let me put it this way, it is much worse than these idiots munching on chips with their mouths open while trying to talk. Moving on. What happen to Shane? Nothing. I mean it. Nothing. I have no idea how he got out not doing anything, but some how he did. Joe did not play and Ian was the host.
Have you ever watched any of those animal show where the monkeys are pawing through each other’s fur to clean it? Well, that is what Brit is doing to Danielle right now. She is combing through her hair with her hands. Why? I have no idea. Hang on, I have to take a screen shot of this to make sure that I am not that drunk…yet
Maybe tonight is not a good night for alcohol. Then again, maybe this is why alcohol was invented. Why am I bringing this up? Because Joe and Ian are sitting at the kitchen table and Joe is asking Ian what fingers he uses when he snaps his fingers. Not. Even. Kidding. Switch feeds, which is Brit and Danielle. It is bad enough that we have to hear that damn chain when they walk, but Danielle is lifting and dropping her leg so that we can hear it some more. Oh hell, they are getting up. Come on BB, please, I am begging you; please force them to sit in one spot for the next 24 hours. PLEASE. I will give you every last drop of my alcohol if you will do this for me. Pretty please? This is not torture for them; it is torture for us.
WHAT. IN. THE. HELL. IS. THAT? Holy crap. Oh, its Dan’s disco music. And it is loud. Dan, sorry buddy, that really sucks.
We just hit the trifecta of annoying shit. We have the scrapping of the metal chain, Brit shoving chips in mouth and chomping on them loudly, and Dan’s disco music. There is not enough alcohol in the world to drown this shit out. Oh wonderful, let’s add a fourth annoying factor: they are talking about oral sex threesomes. Just wonderful. I really, really hate AG right now.
Oh, thank you BB Gods. There is peace. Dan’s music stopped. Brit is in the DR, which means no chain and no munching on chips.
For those that are keeping score at home, Danielle just said she is a psychic.
Frank just said that he has to take a chum shower every hour and has not had one in the last five hours.
I really don’t think AG and her team of idiots really thought this chain thing through. I hope they scratch the living shit out of the floor. Even if it does, I don’t think it will be enough of a payback for the assault on our ears that AG and her merry band of jackasses is putting us through with the damn chain and Dan’s disco music. I mean it; I really, really, really hate AG right now.
Where the hell did Frank go? Oh, there he is. In bed. Asleep. If I am having to endure this…crap, why can’t he? Add rudeness to Frank’s list of accolades.
If Frank can get away with it, so can I. The only saving grace and humor that I might get tonight is BB waking Frank up every hour to take a chum bath. What is worse than not being able to sleep? Smelling like shit and not being able to sleep. That thought alone just might put a smile on my face after having to endure such an annoying night. Good night folks.
As we start BBAD on the LFs, I am having a dilemma. No, I had to give up my Wil hair fetish. After he got kicked out of the house, he read something about my Wil hair fetish on that “other” website. I kind of thought that it was a really nice tribute to Wil. To show his appreciation, Wil had some lawyer crawl up and all over my ass with a “cease and desist order” and a restraining order (a restraining order? Really Wil?). You make one comment about his Speedo and put up one image of yourself in a compromising position with his hair extensions - boom – restraining order. Whatever Wil. Thanks Wil. Kiss my ass and hair extensions Wil. Moving on. No, my dilemma is what to drink. You would think that with the six and a half hours that the feeds were down this afternoon (and evening) I would have my entire evening planned out. Wrong. Damn AG had me glued to the feeds just waiting for the LFs to come back on. You know that she was sitting in the control room just laughing like a hyena at us live feeders waiting for six and a half hours for the feeds to come back up. Bitch. Anyways, back to me. What to drink? Yes, that is my dilemma tonight. Let’s make it simple. For my friends up north, let’s go with one of my favorite beers – Moose Drool. Wonderful stuff. And I have two cases for the next three hours. It is a party with myself and some hair extensions.
On with BBAD. As the show starts tonight, Boogie and Frank are working out; Joe is cooking on the grill BB gave them; and the rest of the lazy bitches who do nothing but bitch about Joe’s cooking but are too lazy to cook their own damn food are eating what Joe has fixed them tonight: grilled salmon.
Now we have Frank in the shower – sexy, sexy. Not.
Moving to the BY. Ian is swinging in the hammock; Danielle and Dan are on the lounge bench. Dan asks if they are alone. Ian says yes. Here we go…something important is about to be said…Ian: want to play pool? Dan: maybe later. Ian goes back to swinging in the hammock and Dan starts talking about his website – yes he gave the url – no, I am not about to repeat – okay fine, here it is: www. idontgiveashitaboutdan.com. Happy?
Ashley has joined Ian on the hammock. She is basically laying on him. Whore. You went out on a date with Ian. You don’t even give him a courtesy kiss. You blow off Ian and go on a date with Frank and make out with him in the HOH. Just because he asked. Now that there is a chance that you may get nominated, you want to play footise with Ian. Whore.
How is she about to go on the block you ask? Let me explain. You know that six and half hours that the feeds were down today? Well, they played the POV and Frank won. It was a rehash of the poker game where you have to guess how much is in the jar or whatever. Did the POV comp actually take six and a half hours? No, it did not. So why were the feeds down for six and a half hours? Because AG is a bitch. Moving on.
Brit has joined Ian and whore in the hammock. They are talking about the POV comp, so guess what we get? That is right – the damn fish tank. WHAT’S WRONG AG? WERE THE FEEDS NOT DOWN ENOUGH TODAY? Bitch.
Since we have a break in the action, let me clear the air about something: For those of you that think beer makes me angry and bitter, you’re wrong. It is the six Red Bulls that I had right before BBAD that makes me angry and bitter (and jittery as all hell) Thank you for your cooperation and attention.
Feeds are finally back. On one set of feeds is Frank eating. Not only do I not like watching people eat, hearing is sucks even more. On the other set of feeds, we have Ian, Ashley, and Brit talking about what type of girl is Frank’s type. Are you kidding me? Frank Frank Frank. What is this obsession with Frank? He must have taken over Jessie’s spot in AG’s fantasy stud farm.
Showmance conspirators: IAN HAS LEFT THE HAMMOCK WITHOUT ASHLEY. That is all.
Ashley and Brit are complaining – okay, more Brit – that the house is awkward and that they can’t talk to anyone in the house without being accused of something. Brit claims that she told Shane that she does not want to talk to him or be seen talking to him until after the POV ceremony. She does not want to be accused of “persuading” Shane on who to replace Frank with. Okay, enough of her whining.
Shane and Joe are sitting at the hot tub. Joe thinks this Thursday will be a fast-forward. Shane does not think so. This will be the last person before jury. Doesn’t make sense to do a fast-forward this week. Well, I guess little Shane is going to be surprised this Thursday. Boogie and Jenn have joined Shane and Joe. Prepare for boring bland conversations.
Back to Brit. She is still complaining. She is still rehashing yesterday. LET IT GO. Geez.
Oh hell yes. Finally. Some excitement on the feeds. WARNING WARNING: this is not for the weak of heart – if you are fragile or have a heart condition, please turn away now. You have been warned. Ian and Dan are playing pool. That is it. Carry on.
Dan and Ian are talking about two different BB sites. His ID on Survivor Suck is Flipbox. He said it was a randomly made up ID. The other site, thankyouIwill, per Ian, is worse than Sucks. He claims that he has to “tone it down” when he goes back to Sucks. He has 30 different Costanza profile pics for the different sites he comments on. Now he is talking about Dragon Ball Z. I know that you are still a kid Ian, but really? Have we not out grown Dragon Ball Z yet? Time to move on Ian. Time to move on.
Back to Ashley and Brit in the hammock. Brit is still whining. STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT. Shane just yelled at them if they want to drink tonight. OH HELL YES. PASS THE BOTTLE. Ashley asked Ian if he is going to drink. Why? Why would she do that? There is no showmance. She made out with Frank. Whore.
Brit and Ashley are now talking about girl power. Brit thinks that all of the women folk need to come together or they all are going to get voted out. Ashley said that she would never vote out a female. Ummm…ladies…it is a little too late to do an all girl alliance. Yeah, you two, Jenn and Danielle are going to run this game. You go girls. Oh, by the way, if you are going to have an all girl alliance, you might want to go tell the other half of your alliance that they are now in a new alliance. Just sayin.
Boogie and Frank are on the couch in the BY. Joe went to bed. Something about food poisoning from whoever made dinner. High levels of pee concentration. I forget, who made dinner? See boys and girls, when you don’t wash your hands after using the restroom and you are the head Chef, you must not violate rule number one: don’t eat what you cook. Anyways, Boogie said that if he goes Thursday, Frank needs to give him his buddies’ numbers and he will give them a call. They go on a rant about how poorly everyone is playing this game. Oh wonderful. Male versions of Brit. As I don’t want to listen to her, I am not going to listen to you two wallow in your misery. Boogie and Frank get up and go to the parlor to hash out their plan for tomorrow. They think Jenn going on the block is the worst thing for them. They believe that they have a really good chance of getting Brit on their side. Lots of “we need to do this” or “we need to do that.” They think that they have a lot of options. Now they are bashing all of the other HGs and how horrible players they all are. After about 5 minutes of this crap, they back up and say that Brit and Dan know what they are doing. Now talking about who doesn’t deserve to win? Ummm, that would be all of you. Now Boogie is just being mean. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with that, but he is actually serious about his hatred. He said that he has had it with everyone here and having to listen to endless stories about their family. He thinks that they all are stupid. The hate train proceeds forward.
I guess Brit and Danielle have had a little too much to drink as they are wrestling on the HOH bed. It is not even close to what I imagined this would be. Anti-erotic. Is that even a word? It should be. They finally break up and Danielle goes to take a shower.
Shane has joined Brit and Danielle in the HOH. Brit was listening to music. Danielle is still in the shower. If she knew that Shane was in the HOH, what are the odds that she would come running out naked? Is it possible to have something above 100%? Shane asks for her opinion on how to handle Frank and Boogie tomorrow when they confront him. Brit provides some type of vague answer. Dan has joined the conversation. Shane asks Dan how he would confront Frank and Boogie tomorrow when they come at him. Dan gives his standard non-response response.
Okay folks, since BBAD is basically over, that does it for me tonight. As usual, I have had too much to drink to go back and proof read this. If there is something that does not make since or is grammatically incorrect, blame it on the Red Bull.
Welcome to BBAD on the LFs Friday August 17, 2012 edition. If you are still rolling with this bunch of loonies and you are not drinking, there is something really, really wrong with you. For me, tonight, seeing how I am missing my favorite place in the entire world, I’m gonna pour myself a little Mountain Breeze!!! Warning, this is not for the weak (NSFW) – a little vodka, gin, triple sec, rum, tequila, cranberry juice, sweet and sour, and grapefruit juice. Mix. Serve. Drink. Yum Yum!!!
Pity Party for one!!! Paging pity party for one!!! Oh, there you are Britney. Come please join Shane in the parlor room so you can make him fell like shit. Do what you usually do and make it all about you.
As we start BBAD, we have Brit and Shane in the parlor room where Brit is upset with Shane for throwing her under the bus with Boogie and Frank. Actually, Shane did not throw Brit under the bus, he shoved her head first under the bus. Earlier in the HOH, right after he nominated Frank and Boogie, Frank and Boogie talked Shane in circles and basically got Shane to agree that the nominations were all Brit’s idea. Shane is really not that smart, so it really was not that hard. After that conversation, Brit asked Shane what happen and Shane tries to say that he put most of the fault on him and just a little tiny bit on Brit. Of course, Brit sees right through this and realizes that she just got ran over by the Shane bus. Brit immediately leaves the HOH and confronts Boogie and Frank. Brit denies that she had anything to do with the nominations. Boogie just smiles and says sure. Still yet, Frank and Boogie extend an olive branch and lets her know that they are still willing to work with her. (no they are not – they want to evict her ass) Brit basically does the Pity “it is all about me” Dance on the olive branch. Boogie continues to smile.
Back to where this story began, the parlor room. Shane offers to tell Boogie and Frank that it was all him (YES, YES, PLEASE, I AM BEGGING, PLEASE DO SO) Brit says no and tells Shane to be rational (Yes, because then, this problem, would no longer be about Brit – all about me, nothing about you) Brit continues to make him feel like shit and Shane continues to take it. Here Shane, eat my bowl of shit. Thanks Brit, can I have some more? YUCK. Brit telling Shane that she is the only one in this house that has his back (No, she doesn’t – don’t buy it Shane, run Shane run) Shane says that he knows that she does. (Taste good, may I have some more shit?) Brit says that she is going to go out due to things that she told Shane to do. (Yes honey, it is all about you) Shane says that he will straighten this out with everyone. (Geez, this conversation was old before it even started – if we were in a fraternity house, I’d say that we are watching a circle jerk ) Shane finally leaves. Now we have the camera focusing in on Brit looking like she is trying hard to feel sorry for herself. With this type of behavior, Brit is making Danielle look sane.
NO, NO, NO!!! Psycho Bunny Boiler has entered the parlor room. Raise the flags; sound the horns; we have a full on pity party. Yep, there goes Brit: “I’m such the bully, I am so controlling, I have done everything for him, I did not want to play this game, I am going out due to what I supposedly told Shane to do…” MUTE MUTE MUTE.
Switch feeds. Shane is in the bathroom area where Ashley and Ian are laying down. Ian talking about how his body still hurts from the HOH comp. Boogie walks in and starts brushing his teeth. Shane asks about their date. Date? What date? Ian and Ashley are going on another date? Why? This is just stupid
Hang on, back to the other feeds. Brit is talking about her being a coach and the message boards. She is saying that she is sure that the message boards are making fun of her being a coach (Yes, we are, but not just for being a coach) and that she is a horrible coach (yes, very true, you are). Oh, just wonderful, back to the pity party crap. What is really funny is that Danielle will occasionally interrupt saying that we can do this or that. Brit completely ignores her and continues the pity parade. Dan walks in. Just wonderful. Another victim for her to whine to. I have heard it twice. I really don’t need to hear it again.
I am not sure if this was their plan, but Frank and Boogie are the winners for tonight’s BBAD. They were nominated, but Brit and Shane are the ones spinning. Say what you want about Boogie, but what he did tonight is impressive.
Brit leaves the parlor room and is immediately called into the DR. Shane walks into the parlor room. He starts explaining what he said during his conversation with Frank and Boogie. He claims that he really didn’t throw Brit under the bus (The hell you didn’t – hang on your right, you didn’t throw her, you stomped on her head and then placed it directly under one of the tires) How is Shane planning on getting out of the mess he created? He is going to tell Frank and Boogie that the noms were all his idea. BAHAHAHAHAHA. Are you kidding me? And you really think that will work? Dude, are you really blond?
Frank and Boogie are talking in one of the bedrooms. Boogie said that their plan is to continue to barge Shane over the next 48 hours to convince him to start working with them and tell Brit to go fly a kite.
Ian comes into the parlor room to let them know that the Chef BS show is about to begin. On tonight’s menu is turkey burgers seasoned with Joe’s pee stained hands, fries sprinkled with shit flakes, and fresh brewed tea that looks like lemonade. I will let you use your imagination as to what is actually in the fresh brewed tea to make the tea look YELLOW. As Chef BS is explaining how he cooks turkey burgers, Ashley and Ian are eating cereal. HEY JOE: THAT IS WHAT WE CALL A HINT. Oh hell. He is acting like this is a real cooking show. Holy shit. No. Please stop. Please. No, No, No. OH MY GOD. He is encouraging them to ask questions as to what he is doing. NO. NO. NO. I would rather have a Buffalo treat me like a urinal than endure this. Speaking of urinals, I need to pee. A very long pee. About as long as it takes Chef BS to do his BS cooking show.
Okay, I am back. Oh hell, Chef BS is still going. This season is bad enough, but to have to put up with this bullshit as well? I would rather stick a million needles in AG’s eye.
Feeds were on the damn fish tank for about 20 minutes. When BB finally allowed us to see the feeds again, Ian, Frank, Dan and Shane are playing Boogie’s favorite game: ask Ian a question and watch him answer it for the next two hours.
Danielle and Frank are in the living room stretching. Monkey ass. On one feed, we have Danielle and group stretching. On the other feed, Ian talking about something I could care less about.
Ian called to the DR. YES. As soon Ian leaves, Frank asks what happen to the Silent Six. Don’t everyone answer at once. Neither Dan not Shane has any interest in answering that question. It just got better. Enter Brit. She sits down at the little table in the HOH and starts eyeing Shane’s HOH basket. Brit has not said a word. Frank asks if her should leave. Everyone says no. Conversation turns to general chit chat.
Okay, I have had enough for tonight. Pus, it does not look like there will be any further game talk tonight. As always, I am too drunk to proof read this. If there are any grammatical errors, too freaking bad. Suck it and live with it.